I Must Confess
Bringing our sin into the light frees us to experience true peace and joy
By Susie Barnett
“Our rotting possessions will testify against us,” Kyle Idleman said. He was preaching from James 5:3 (NLT): “Your gold and silver are corroded. The very wealth you were counting on will eat away your flesh like fire. This corroded treasure you have hoarded will testify against you on the day of judgment.”
There it was. No denying it.
That weekend, I left the Blankenbaker Campus Sanctuary with tears streaming down my face. I was wrecked. Those words would haunt me for weeks and months. In my mind I knew the Bible intends to bear God’s gracious weight of conviction upon us, but hearing those words set my heart on a journey of confession. It was time to divulge the full extent to which I’d used shopping to try and fill my heart—something only God can do.
Several years earlier, I had mentioned to some ladies at a Bible study how I struggled with shopping, how in this pursuit I’d spent far too much money putting together the perfect outfit with the perfect shoes and the perfect bag. “Put your credit cards away,” someone suggested flatly. Wow, I never thought of that! Really?
When I shared this struggle, I knew I couldn’t simply resort to more discipline to solve my problem. I wanted to get at the real root of my spending struggle. Fast forward to early 2018, and those words preached from the book of James gutted me to the core. This is when I found the problem beneath the problem. It’s also when I began to experience the true, Godly sorrow of repentance.
As I looked back on all that God had entrusted to me over the years, I realized I wasn’t stewarding these gifts in a responsible way. Instead, I had only thought of myself and what I could buy. It was all about me, me, me! Now I had become aware of all the opportunities I had missed to serve others with my money and support God’s work in the lives of His people. Something needed to change.
I prayed, “God, help me to seek first Your Kingdom, and please give me the desires of my heart.” Don’t get me wrong—I wasn’t praying with my fingers crossed, hoping a Range Rover would miraculously show up in my driveway. I wanted to desire what Jesus desires. And so, in addition to faithfully praying, I knew I needed to bring my sin into the light. I wanted to experience the real peace and joy that only God can bring. I wanted to break free and leave my chains behind.
With this in mind, I confessed my spending habits to two close friends whom I deeply trust. With them, there was no condemnation. Instead, my friends brought me such relief with their caring words of encouragement. The chains were gone; the light flooded in. Interestingly enough, my overwhelming desire to buy things went away after my confession. Up until that point, I’d developed a habit of internet shopping where I’d simply place things in my shopping cart, knowing I could buy them if I wanted to. That ended, too. After surrendering my struggle to the Lord and allowing the light of accountability to shine in, that little voice saying, “Me, me, me!” just wasn’t that appealing anymore.
The words from an old hymn come to mind:
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.”
Our Savior is quick to forgive and eager to carry us out of the dark into His light. Confession is one of the good gifts God offers us—a gift we’re sometimes hesitant to open. But we need this. While it’s easy to go off course, I know I can count on my family and friends to hold me accountable, as long as I bring my sin and anxieties into His glorious light.